World Of Make Believe
by diamondpearl876
Summary: Fai is well aware that Sakura lives in a world of make believe, and still, he doesn't do anything about it.


Written for Fanfic25. Prompt: Apathy.

I own nothing.

World Of Make Believe

Fai doesn't know how he can watch the princess, watch the clone, watch Sakura, whoever she is. He doesn't know how he can do it without breaking down, without dropping at her feet to say he's sorry, to tell her he knows, he knows everything, that she isn't real, scraping his palms and knees and feeling the blood run down his skin, somewhat grateful and devastated at the same time to know that he has what she will never own.

Still, somehow, he finds a way, each and every day.

- x -

_i. you tell me that it's not so hard, and it's all so hard;_

"Everyone knows you're all too willing to give up your life, Fai," Sakura says gently, yet seriously, placing her hands on top of the mage's, feels him try to pull his arm back, feels him stop.

"Don't worry about me, Sakura. I'll be fine, always," Fai says, unable to even believe his own words. He stares down at the princess's tiny hands, the princess's fake hands, thinking they're cold and lifeless. He finds himself wishing they wouldn't even exist, wishing that she wasn't needed to be created and then maybe there wouldn't be so much pain and misery and maybe this journey wouldn't be happening, and everyone could be in their own worlds, safe and sound.

"How can I believe that? You aren't okay even right now," she claims, and squeezes the mage's hand tighter, tighter, and Fai feels like his hand could crumble into a tiny little pieces, representing what's left of his selfish heart. He says nothing.

"You said that you would die for me. You must live for me, too."

Fai wonders how he could die for someone who wasn't meant to exist when he has someone who deserves to live waiting for him, and he wonders how he could live for her knowing that everything she knows is nothing but a lie.

_ii. believe me, i'm lying;_

"The past is just the future with the lights on, princess," Fai states. He bites his lip, says nothing more, and feels blood running into his mouth, punishing him for saying anything at all. He holds Sakura in his arms, her tears soaking his clothes, and he thinks, maybe, it was the right thing to say. He doesn't know what to think anymore, as he is never able to distinguish what is wrong and what is right in his life.

"I... I don't understand, Fai," she mumbles through sobs, and looks up with those pitiful, emerald eyes of hers.

Fai knows she'll never be able to understand, but he has no choice but to answer. He apologizes, silently, before responding with, "It means you can use the past to avoid making poor choices later in life. Then, you can have a happy and fulfilling future... which is all that you deserve, and you know it."

Sakura deserves it, Fai knows, and he scolds himself for those words being the only ones that had sounded somewhat sincere. Still, even if she deserves it, he knows she might not get it.

How can she, when there is nothing but fake memories from the past replaying in her mind, being told to others in words with smiles and laughter, and replaying in her dreams every single day and night?

_iii. but wouldn't that save you?;_

"Every wish you have is also my wish, princess," Fai says. He's said it before, and still, he doesn't bother to tell her that there will always be one more wish that he has compared to hers. He wants her to be a real person, a real person with a real heart and real memories and he wants her to have a real life with a proper beginning and a proper ending, because she isn't going to get that on this journey, he knows, and he hates it. He hates it all.

"Yes... I know," she says, smiling faintly.

"And so, I want you to tell me whenever you want or need something, and I will get it for you."

"I know you will," Sakura repeats.

It's a shame, Fai thinks, she can't just ask him to make her real, and then he could make it happen, make it a reality. That's just not how things can go, he knows, and says he will grant any other wish for her. He does not say he will try. Trying is not enough, he knows, and so he keeps the fact that he knows of her true reason for existence a secret for him to know, because if he tries to fulfill any wish relating to that, he will not succeed. There are no doubts in the words he speaks, at least.

"It's good to know that you believe in me."

- x -

Fai knows he's had several chances to tell her what he knows, to free her from even more heartbreak at the end. He turns his back on every chance, tries to convince himself that it's not on purpose, really, and when he looks back, the chance is gone, gone, gone. And so invisible walls have been built between them, and the mage can merely long for the day where he can finally break through that world of make believe she lives in.

And if that day never comes, he can only hope he'll be forgiven for it all at the end.


End file.
